July 24, 2006
More on my oldest Son
This past year has been an interesting year for Lucas. Lucas has completed and excelled at grade one. He learns easily and when he applies himself, academically, he can turn C's into A's with relative ease. It was neat to see him do that on many occasions.
The other side of the coin, we saw Lucas become a different kid this year. We came to this place where Lucas could "flip out" in a heartbeat. Lucas has always been very emotional. But somehow that all went to a whole new level. Where Lucas not only would flip out, but then beat himself up over doing it. We just tried to deal with each day as best as we could. Tried to deal with something we really didn't understand. At times we had to discipline, other times we had to show lots of grace and encouragement. But it was clear that we'd entered a new time in Lucas' life. So for the last 6 or 7 months we've struggled with a little boy who could be loving you one minute, freaking out the next, and even coming down hard on himself after. Lucas would often place himself on a timeout or punish himself over things we felt were not necessary. These months have been a time where anything, good or bad could be the trigger for a scary emotional ride.
Throughout this time we have sought out help and advice. From friends to other parents to medical professionals. We got everything, from, it's normal, it's just a phase some boys go through, to; you got to get rid of any violent games they play and violent tv they watch. Which was nice except Lucas doesn't have violent video games or watch violent tv.
Ayway, Lucas has been doing really well for at least three weeks. Not one major blow up. Normal kids stuff, but nothing like had been a daily occurence for so long. Before if he'd asked for something or to do something and we'd said no, we would have a major to do. Over the last few weeks I've started noticing that when the answer was no there were no more huge blow outs. On the contrary we've begun hearing a lot more and unprompted "ok's"
So what happened? And I'm no psychoanalyst, but there's only one influence that's been removed from his daily life during this time. School! No, I'm not making final observations, but I think he's reactions had to do with something at school. Or in particular with his relationships at school. I don't think it was school itself, because as I mentioned, he just excells so far. But I could see it being some of the relationships at school.
For now that's all I can think of. I did mention to him, yesterday, how proud I've been of how he's behaved and acted especially when things haven't gone his way. It's like getting the old Lucas back, I love Lucas, either way, but I really like the non freaking out Lucas the best.
Posted by edhmmm....i wonder if it's because of something that was happening at school that was upsetting him & he didn't know what to do....like a bully or something....hmmmm.......maybe school is either too hard or too easy for him.......or that just the choatic state of school is what's upsetting him......might be just school life in general...it's a big chance from sk to grade one....that might have been upseting him....or maybe the new baby arriving......maybe he was feeling left out & alone or that he wasn't getting enough attention with the new baby coming and all....maybe because of that, he thought to act out in any way how so that he would get some attention.....I'm not saying you are bad parents at all, just maybe he was feeling left out & alone & thought you might not have time for him now with the new baby & didn't know how to take the change..you said that he was emotional sometimes....just maybe now that he knows you have time for him that he is relaxing...maybe tell him that you have always have time for him & if he wants to talk, you are always there......he might need it. I know you must have told him that but maybe he needs to hear it again.....Give me a hug too & say you love him because that has never hurt anyone :)this is just me thinking out loud here...ever ask him why he was acting that way?
Posted by: annai just read it again...you said the last 6 or 7 months, he has been acting this way......when was Marcello born? was it 6 or 7 months ago? Just wondering......maybe it was that new baby syndrome....lol.....(sorry if i spelt his name wrong:) )
Posted by: annaYes, those are all issues that we've considered and talked a lot about with Lucas ever since this behaviour began. He is a pretty vocal kid. And we talk lots about everything. So we want to be there for Lucas in every way possible. We certainly want him to know he's loved (and he does) and to know that he can bring anything at all to us, and that he's heard when he does, whatever that might be.
But inspite of the reason, or the why of it all, we also want Lucas to learn an important lesson. He is in control of his own emotions. That there is a right way to be angry and a wrong way to be angry and that it's in his own power to choose one way or the other.
so true, Ed!
Posted by: anna