August 22, 2006
pain...
He pulled his shirt sleeves up to show me the track marks. She was embarassed. She had a hard time looking me in the eyes. I tried to comfort her, she talked about whatever she could come up with, so we would really talk. She wanted to leave. He talked a lot, at times incoherently. Both say they want out. Both were looking for a quick fix. Not the usual kind. In that moment, they knew it was enough. To keep doing this will eventually kill them, physically and spiritually. God kept coming up in the conversation. But it was a different God. One that could be manipulated. One that should respond when I call, move when I plead, but one I don't have to be in relationship with.
In their words was hopelessness. Speaking of getting out, but not being sure they could. After all, they've both been in this place before. She starts detox tomorrow, and once again the journey begins. Soon she'll be back in church. She'll probably feel alone. She'll probably try to win her way in. To show enough forgiveness. She'll be loved and welcomed.
I stood there, feeling incredibly lost. Searching for the "right" words that I just couldn't find. Searching through my Christian platitude mental database that just didn't have anything for this moment. Pastors are supposed to know what to say at all times, I didn't know. Finally I said, I'll be there if through the journey, if you want me to. I don't know if that was right, or good. It was all I could think of saying.
They shared of a house with no groceries. Void of all the things that had already been sold to support the habit. I offered them food. That's when I discovered, they're still not at the bottom. The pride is still too strong. They would rather steal, than take a gift from someone who cares. They need to hit the bottom before they really want to get out, if they ever get there.
School doesn't prepare you for this. I want to help, I don't know how.
Posted by edHey Ed,
If this makes any sense I think that you might be used to help because you don't have any idea what to do or say. How many "unprepared servants" has God used. "I'll show my strenghth in weakness". You are there willing to be used, that's important. I prayed that God would not let these two hit bottom, that they would be spared from any more pain, and that they would be free from the destructive habbit,and that healing would begin. Before that prayer, I prayed that I would be free from my destructive habbits, we all need mercy(some of us hide it better than others). I hope this encourages you, keep on being there.
Tim
Sometimes being there for them is all we've got.
Brother, you really don't know the strength that you have within. You where there for them and it is more than what society would do. You did not look down on the ones in need but stood beside them as equals. I would like to add to the wisdom that Tim has shared with you. Let me share a personal side with you. Pride is the only thing that they have, the only thing that is constant, an could only be reached by themselves. Drugs are ruling them, poverty is holding them in the situations that they are in, and I am sure that society has placed a stigma on them already. You have accepted them as they are and offered your support... that is the first door opening. The second thing is not letting them hit bottom, that is a relative term, it could mean death or serious damage physically or mentally. But showing them where bottom is and how far they are from it is a more caring measure. I lost a dear friend from the poision that she placed in her veins. I saw her wither away in her pain. If I could have turn the clock back, I would not have waited for her to hit bottom or force and intervention. I would have shown my love for her and guide her to professional help. The journey would have been hard and painful, but I might have had her here with me today. It is a difficult path that these individuals are on, and surely there is other things behind the drugs and the pain. I pray for strength and guidance for them, and that their eyes would be open to the love that has been offer and surrounds them when they head back into church. I also pray that their eyes do not lets the fears in their minds cloud their judgement of the friendship that will truly be offered to them. As for not knowing... listen to your heart ED! It shines like the sun and it is infectious. I love what Tim has said and I commend you on the journey ahead. It will not be easy... and I know that you will be stumped on what to say... but the database has lots of empty fields to be filled and it will make you stronger! Know that you are loved and let it feed you in this time.
You are a good man!
Posted by: Nick