Our Hangout

What would you do if?

For the sake of privacy I'm keeping the name out of this post.

I met him last year at our neighbourhood BBQ. He came, he sat quietly. Besides the children, he was clearly the youngest person present, maybe 20 or so. He was also the biggest person present. At well over six feet he had the appearance of a gentle giant. His slow walk and the cane he used indicated he had a story. That day we talked, at length, and I found out he had a lifetime history of pain and illness. Not the least of which was a blood clot the whole length of his left leg. That and a back problem explained the cane.

He lives a few hundred feet down the street from me. Since that BBQ we haven't really talked. I can't say I had really seen him in all this time. Truth is, his illnesses keep him pretty house bound, and as several of us, on the street, like to joke, when Winter comes, we all hibernate. But Winter's gone and Spring is here. With Spring comes signs and the promise of new life.

Last week I saw him again. As I was putting out the garbage he just showed up. I invited him in and we talked.

As a pastor I've asked the following question at more than one small group meeting. It's a simple question designed to get people to evaluate the way they live and make the choices to live the way they really would like to live. It's simply this, "If you knew you only had a month to live, how would you live that month?" A question like that, when taken seriously gets people to think about the things they value most in life, without having to actually deal with the death part of it.

Well, as my neighbour and I talked I found myself at a loss for words. Two weeks ago his doctor told him something had gone terribly wrong with the blood clot in his leg. A portion of the clot was loose making it's way to his heart. He had 30 days to live. Last week, the day we first talked, the doctor had just given him news that the timeframe was even less, he only had 20 days to live. As I said, that was a week ago.

Since then we have had quite a bit of time together. The reality, however, is that it's not so much 20 days to live, but 20 days 'till things get critical. He has one chance, the clot will reach one point where it either goes to the heart or to the lungs. If it goest to the heart it will kill him very quickly. If it goes into the lungs he has a good chance of being operated and surviving.

However, when the odds are like that, the doctors make certain you know how grave the situation is, and that this is the time to make things right that need to be made right. Not just that, but you have to make other plans, that 22 year olds normally don't think of making. Plans like making a will. And the worst of all, is what the two of us will be doing tomorrow morning. Making funeral arrangements.

Although I know what it feels like to be told by a doctor, if you do this there a high risk that you will die. That seems like a lifetime ago. Although I remember, thinking through some of these things then. The truth is, I don't know how he's holding it together. Being thrown into this situation has also been a fly by the seat of your pants kind of experience. Nothing prepares you for something like this.

We have talked lots! At first I felt there was two things he needed to settle in his mind. First, if, indeed, he only had 20 days to live, how did he want to live that time? What did he need to do? What did he need to settle? The second possibility is a scenario most people don't think about when they hear worst case scenarios. The odds are just as strong you will not die. That being the case, what do you need to do in the next 20 days? Most of all, somehow, you need to find the desire, the will and the faith to want to live. otherwise, you'll give up before the time ever comes.

I won't go on much longer now except to say, please pray for my friend as he's having to make plans with the possibility in mind that he's only got two weeks to live, while at the same time, trying to find the reason to fight for his life. Pray for peace whatever the circumstances are. Even if this does not lead to death in 20 days, needed surgery will, more than likely, make the next part of the journey, a tough one.

His goals for the next two weeks. To spend time with friends and family. To settle things that need to be settled. To get to know God better.

My request on his behalf, please pray and please have your friends and faith communities praying for him. I'm sending out an e-mail to all my friends tomorrow morning asking them to do this, I ask that you would do the same.

Posted by ed