I watched the movie at a preview screening about a month ago. I had posted this back then. I post it here again because it impacted my heart deeply.
Yesterday morning I had the privilege to watch a preview screening of the film by Mel Gibson, "The Passion of The Christ." I haven't been able to write about it until now. I have shared with a few friends, but this is hard.
I have anticipated the release of the movie ever since I heard it was in the works. I knew that somehow this movie would help me to see the events of the last few days of Jesus life in a whole new way. IT DID! Only in a much deeper way than I could have imagined.
Someone said after the movie ended, "This wasn't a movie, this was an experience." In my experience, they were right! I'm an emotional guy. I cry at stuff. Not at everything, but sometimes things touch me and I cry. But yesterday there were a lot of pastors shedding tears. There were a lot of men and women cringing and being unable to keep their feelings from escaping their lips as sounds. Like me, I think there were a lot of people there who wanted to scream, "NO MORE, PLEASE NO MORE!".
For me, it wasn't the crucifixion. I think I've seen enough crucifixion scenes to almost have become somewhat sedated. Yes, it was more gorry and bloddy and even more touching, more "real" than other crucifixion scenes I've seen on film. But that wasn't what opened up floodgates within my heart.
It was Jesus' beating!
I think I've seen worst things, more gorry things. It wasn't the gorryness. It was something deeper. With every whiplash, with every spike that stuck into Jesus' body - one thought assaulted my mind, my heart, and eventually my body - it was a simple thought - "FOR YOU! - FOR YOUR SIN." And over and over again the thought came. And with each lash I cried more, and I wanted to hide it, but I couldn't. And I wanted to scream, "Please, no more!" But I knew that's what it took. That's what it took to make things new again. That's what it took to pay for my sin, the sin that kept me from him. And so, all I could say, deep in my heart, was, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
The movie ended. But the experience has stayed with me. I was a mess yesterday. I couldn't do anything else, so I tried to occupy my mind with other things, eventually I tried to sleep. But, even today, when I see the scenes in my mind. I cry and I say again, "I'm sorry!" I don't think I could be flippant about that anymore. I used to say I was thankful so easily. But I'm not! I'm not thankful my sin caused his pain, his absolute destruction. He was forsaken because of me. I fail to find the words that would show appreciation for what he did for me. Maybe there are no words. Maybe just silence. Maybe just tears. Maybe it's not about words at all, just about faithfulness - about following.
Go, and sin no more!
Posted by ed