Our Hangout

"Play"

Several weeks ago, my blogger idol entry included my family's exodus from Angola, Africa, after a civil war broke out in the country. Well, that event affected my life in many ways, even though I was only five. This is just one other way...

I don't know whether this is normal, but several aspects of my fourth, fifth and maybe even third birthdays are forever etched into my mind.

I clearly remember getting certain gifts, the kind that make a four year olds eyes pop out with excitement at the prospect of endless days of fun. Okay, that's how I thought about it then. I have a four year old now, it's really more like a few hours of fun. However, as I remember that red fire truck, that helicopter that looked like it would fly away at any moment and an ambulance whose noise and lights made it look as real as any I'd ever seen, there's also something else that comes to mind, my mom saying, "When you're old enough, you can play with these toys."

I had shelves full of such toys in my room. Toys that I was only allowed to admire from afar. Toys that made me long for the day when I'd be old enough. Toys that led me to ask, "Am I old enough today?"

I never was old enough. Believe it or not, that's one of the things that I remember the most about Angola. I was never old enough. Sometimes I wonder, I really do, did someone ever play with those toys, or did they just get destroyed like everything else in a country enveloped in the darkness of war for almost two decades. And if they got destroyed by some grenade, what difference would it have made if I had destroyed them because I played with them before I was old enough?

Okay, now you're thinking I've got serious issues to work through, well, maybe.

How has it all worked out in my life? Well, it's simple, aside from something that could potentially hurt them, in our house, there are no toys that you have to wait 'till you're old enough to play with. If they get destroyed, frankly, who cares. They have too many toys as it is.

But even as a thirty four year old, sometimes, as I lay awake at night, I still wish I had the oppportunity to play with that ambulance, or that firetruck, and especially that helicopter. They probably didn't do any of the things my mind imagines they did. But it would have been nice to have known.

Funny, the things that stay with us.

Posted by ed